I have 10 minutes before I leave for campus for a meeting. I
have attempted to write two different posts a few times this weekend. I
couldn't do it. Why??? Writer's block? My mentality? Wait, they
both link. My wonder if what I says matter? Yes, that too.
It's Monday. Though I don't teach, I'm behind. I am panicked
about publications and research, but what's new. That's a lot of my own faulty.
My 4 year old has been well, a 4 year old and by 8:30 am, I'm ready
for a nap or wine already. I'm homesick for the friends that get me. I am
homesick for my hometown I moved away from the age of 18. I am sad that my kids rarely see their grandparents. I
feel guilt I brought my family to this place, even though I love my job. I am
lonely, sans my ultimate friend I have made here who feels like we have known
each for other. I am tired. I don't want to sell any more girl scout cookies. I
want to take a day, sit outside, write to myself, and write and revise an
article. But that's not going to happen. We are looking at a really cheap
house. That's exciting and scary. My neighbor still freaks me out now. I miss
the dog we watched over the weekend.
My mind... It thinks too much. Too much that I have a hard
time articulating a thought. Some think I can't think or speak, but you don't
know... my mind is complex. My mind is analytical. My mind tricks me. My mind
amazes me, but on the outside you may never know....
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