I thought last night about how negative my post may have sounded and the sheer amount of time I have spent being stressed about fitting in here. There are things I do like and as my partner put it, for some things, in his words, "you knew it would be like this here."

A colleague told me when need people like me (us) here and I have thought about that before. If we are all trained as social justice activists and only stay in or near places were people think like us, is this going to change the rest of our world? And I had thought after completing the MSW to look at jobs in the South for related reasons (or even in my reproductive justice work).

I talk about these things as there are reasons why I do like living here, even though things are not always easy. I grew up in that stable middle class midwestern family... the one in which your parents never move, own their house, and vacations were planned around my dad's work trips. I never moved until I left for college. My parents had the same careers, or at least worked for the same company, until they retried. We never went to Florida or the coasts for vacation or visits. We stayed close to the Midwest. But I also had a small family, though my maternal Russian and Polish side was large- but we did not have family get togethers with the extended family.  I had a stable life, yet a sheltered life. 

So, I never got to travel the world, or even the United States a kid. The South, as well as other places, seemed exotic. But yet, I have always had a desire to be in the South because of the historical significance of the place.And I'm here and it can be hard, but yet, I am here. I can see palm trees, giant cacti, and have tiny lizards in our yard. I can drive an hour or so to the ocean (which is pretty special to a girl from the landlocked part of this country). I can drive to historical sites, where history happened, that I only have been able to read about or watch in documentaries.

And there are good folks here.... I may not agree with all on their politics, but that happens elsewhere also.
I truly enjoy the weather... I like the warmth, the humidity. I like basking in the sunshine, just like the alligators. 

I may never fit in completely here as I was not born and raised here. And I won't stop fighting for social justice. But yet I have to find myself here... not only how do I fit in, learn about things from the local, but also to create a larger picture with what I do know.  And ultimately, I need to find peace with myself. There is always something to worry about, but I can't let that dictate my life and need to embrace it all.

I love my friends who I have met through my job.  And yes, they have become my family. Maybe we will all find the southern granny here who will become part of our local family.