Sunday, November 10, 2013

The first time being told "Yankee move back North"

Last night I had my first time being called a Yankee. As such, we are renting a house down here, in neighborhood that I would say is generally college students mixed with some families. People don't really talk to each other much in the neighborhood, which I think makes sense with a transient population of renters here.

So, one of our neighbors is a grandpa. While he wasn't exactly friendly when we first arrived, he did let me use his hose and an extension cord to fill the above ground pool I bought before my partner arrived with the rest of our stuff. I've attempted to be cordial to him, but just thought he was a distant person. Until last night...

I was outside doing work and my partner and one child were in the house getting dinner ready. Across the fence I got a talking to about one of my dogs, a black lab/spaniel mix, who is only 3 years old. He is a big dog and he barks at times, but my god so do all the dogs in this place. But we tell him not to bark and never let him out when we are not home. Yes, he has barked at the older man, but I tell him to stop. And the dog, like most, likes to jump, but he doesn't jump over fences (if he would escape, he digs which he did at our house in Minnesota). Anyway, there is chain link fence separating us from the old man.

Back to last night... instead of talking to me in civil way, in a threatening way tells me my dog is bad in the same sentence telling me my family and I are Yankees who need to move back North.  Well, it's kind of hard to be polite back to this person at this point, and I tell him if he would say something to us nicely I would have gladly taken care of it. But then I remind him he had  dog he kept on a short chain in his yard he asked me to take and that he plays his radio all night long outside and we were not freaking college students partying all night. I run and get my spouse as this guy is freaking me out. He cusses at my spouse who tells him our four year old kid is right there and not to use those words. I'm pissed. My partner walks away and I do a stupid thing and tell the guy he seems threatening, I may need to  call the police, and this is where I should've kept my mouth shout, but he keeps calling me a Yankee, tell him should I start calling him a rural, redneck Southerner. 

I do call my landlord as honestly, I've never faced this before. And I'm upset... scared and mad at the same time. I also have guilt of having my family move across the county for my job, to a place that is a small town in the South, and no we are not Southerners and here's one more thing to add to this stress of not feeling comfortable. And I was tempted to call the police just to document this interaction, though I didn't. My landlord asks if the guy is drunk and I saw it crossed my mind, but halfway jokingly and half way seriously said to him do Baptists drink as I believe this guy is (which I also noted that I think part of this guys belligerence to me is that I may not be Baptist... which is a story for another blog). I tell my landlord that I am scared a bit as I have no idea if this guy owns a gun (pretty common around these parts). At that point I am asking my landlord to talk to the guy at some point since we need to live here, which he seemed okay with, but saying let things cool down. Today, I really don't know if I want the landlord to talk to him and this will be my point in a minute. Do I feel bad about calling the landlord? Yes  and no. No because if there are issues, I want him to know and we have done most of our own maintenance on this rental house. But today I feel a bit silly about calling him in tears and really don't think I want him to talk to the guy, as we will just ignore it until something else happens.

But later, I was outside in the front of the house and the neighbor arrived back home. I stood on my property and asked him if he was drunk as his behavior was horrible and that if we would talk to us nicely we would respond nicely and take care of the issue. But nope, he still responds in a crappy way telling me I'm a dumb ass. Lovely.

I took my son (the other child was at a birthday party) over to a friend's house after dinner (which I couldn't eat as I was upset). Felt a bit better. Came home and started crying again. And this is where I need and want to process this and am writing this blog post. This week was not great. We had a horrible college meeting in which people left scared instead of assured, which the latter I believe was supposed to be the point. I'm feeling the stress of being a parent balancing work along with really trying to give my spouse time to work on his business, which is his dream. Things are not horrible, but this hasn't been my favorite week and this first year, in moving to such a vastly different place, has not been exactly easy.  So, when I got home last night, I start crying again and thinking about how I want to move back home. I felt lonely thinking I would never be able to do my job with all these outside factors anyway. Thinking if it is going to be like this here, being treated crappy because I am from the North, that it's not worth it for my family's and my sanity and at times questioning our safety (do I think this is real threat? I don't know, but more lenient gun rules, more guns, and people who act like that, it does make you think). And the guilt piles up about everything.  My partner deals with this is in a much better way of saying ignore it and move on.

So, I fall asleep and wake up early (not abnormal) and I type this. A few thoughts this morning. One, I think my dog is a bit scared of going outside now or near the guy's yard. Well neighbor, you got what you asked for. But also, I need to in a sense have the attitude of being a bit angry enough that it doesn't put me back, but enough so that I don't care. Or as such to think this guy is a jerk and to take the high road.  He will not scare me from being outside or having my dogs outside. I will make sure one of the dogs stays away from his side of the fence. I also have thought about talking to the college kids around us as they seem like good people who I have told to tell the dog to be quiet if he goes towards the back near them (and we tolerate the college kids' parties). I don't want to cause drama, but I also want to feel that someone would be there for our family if the man goes off again.

And I can't let this person derail my career. As much as it is hard to live here at times, I have to think about the good people and the people who have been supportive and nice. I also won't let him tarnish my view of everyone here. I reminded myself of this last night, though it's hard when you are new to an area. But as sociologist, I have to look at this in a bigger picture. As such, this is a college town, and there is historical riff with some of the locals with the college as it grows. And I'm sorry neighbor, but you live really close to campus and if my dog who is excited bothers you and you can't be grown enough to talk to me civilly and use stereotypical cut downs, you have the issue. Indeed, you just played into your own stereotype. And yes, living here has also taught me there still is a North/South divide for some folks.  Get over it people... it's the year 2013. So, in closing, yes, I'm still pissed about this incident, but I will not let him scare me. That's how bullies win. Now back to work. 

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