As a junior female faculty in starting my second year in a new small town, I struggle to find my voice. Maybe better worded as the appropriate voice. I didn't come to my position as a newly minted graduate student from a PhD program. I worked for many years as an adjunct, in applied fields, and went back to get another higher ed degree. I have experience, but also learned (and knew) there were things I was going to have to learn. And one of them is finding an appropriate voice.
A voice that demonstrates I hear you and take you seriously, but that I also have confidence and knowledge. A voice that supports rights for many oppressed groups, but at the same time protects the safety of my family (see my Feminist Reflections post on Quiet Activism for more on this).
A voice that encompasses my whole self, but does not leave me vulnerable and stigmatized.
A voice that displays my professionalism, competence, and confidence.
A voice that mentors students, that welcomes students, and encourages them to reach for the better.
A voice that is kind to those around me and kind to myself. A voice that quiets the inner-critic.
Yes, some of this might be generalizable to all in a professional job or academia. But I find more of it emphasized living in a small town, where people know someone who knows someone.
And sometimes these observations are incredibly helpful to emphasize what we know we need to do. If you have not read Irving Yalom's work, especially on the idea of interpersonal therapy and the "here and now", I urge you to do so. What people observe of us in situations often displays what we don't want to admit in how we relate inter-personally. Our own blind spots if you will...
Yet, there are times I am going to make mistakes. And in a small town, I start to feel a bit claustrophobic. A small town many, many miles away from family and friends.
And in small town, being an outsider, finding your authentic voice and sometimes, in Goffman's terms, needing the backstage to prepare or rehearse for the front stage, can be difficult.
I've always loved Goffman's work, but did not consider myself a symbolic interactionist for a few reasons. However, in examining my own life in a small town , I find the importance of symbolic interactionism to conceptualize my experiences and finding an appropriate voice, where rehearsal in that backstage may be important, as a way to frame this in sociological terms.
Where do we get to have our backstage in our real life? In the totality of real life? Where can I practice, as a feminist, social justice supporter, in a small town, dealing with my own stressful issues, find my backstage to perfect my front stage?
We all have inherent worth and dignity as humans. We all deserve our "backstage", especially during vulnerable times, even in a small town. We can be professional and also have our moments. With that said, I am still learning where my backstage is to help find my appropriate voice.
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