In the midst of a weekend of ups and downs, in which I questioned again my location in this place, it occurred to me that as a "college town" this place is not particularly intellectual. A colleague mentioned this to me a short while back. There are not bookstores, the coffee shops, and the intellectual life we often times associate with a college town. Instead, near campus there are many bars, catered towards undergraduates. In town, there is a chain book store beyond the college bookstores near campus. Okay and when I say bar, I mean not really a bar, because bars cannot exist here as they must sell food. There is a small, great art center and a small farmers' market. But this town does not exist for faculty. It is exists for students. And this is a mistake in my mind. It needs to cater to not only the students, but also faculty, and the local folks.
This post comes after attending a reception at the University's President's house last night for new faculty. The short remarks centered on how much the faculty matter and our great credentials. That's nice. I am proud of my education and I would like to use it to research and do teaching, which would allow me tenure. Yet, our locations I do think have an affect on our abilities to do such things, or at the least allow the process to be easier. And I wonder if the University, one of the largest employers in the area, thinks of the livability, which relates to our productivity, for faculty. Yes, the students tuition pays our salary, but your viability as an institution, beyond athletics, which is another story, rests on having faculty. We need support. We need spaces for faculty to engage in intellectual stimulation. We need to feel welcome in the places we live as faculty here, instead of feeling marginalized by our status affiliated with the University and for some of us, as outsiders to the South.
This brings me to another point I have been wondering about lately. After attending a few new faculty orientations and such, many, many people have gone to school here for some degree. Granted one of the meetings was in my college, in which half the faculty taught comp classes, I would assume as temporary faculty, but still I heard over and over how many degrees faculty had granted by this institution. While I've heard it is somewhat common to hire professors who completed their undergraduate work at an institution, especially private schools or maybe even a school like this one because of its location, I've also heard it is not good practice to only hire your own. This is because when people come from different places and are taught at different institutions they bring new ideas. While I know some of us are not from here and from what I know there are quite a few of us with PhDs from good schools (and my point is not to get into I went to a good school, etc, but for the fact that many of us did work our tails off in PhD programs at other places, I do think we should be proud), but I feel that we are looked at with suspect. Maybe this happens other places... I cannot generalize from only my experiences here. And yes, maybe this is because I am still feeling like an outsider here, moving from a large metro area, with numerous amenities and institutions of higher education, and prior to that my college town, which did have coffee shops, book stores, and more of an intellectual atmosphere around campus beyond the football culture.
So, maybe marketing folks should talk to faculty. Maybe they should talk to us social scientists... they use methods similar to us. Some things here have to be catered toward faculty or they are going to leave. And not all faculty are rich, so high priced eateries are not what I am talking about. And to ask so simply, this could even be a Target for right now or a grocery store that is note one of the ones we have here. But oh, I wish there were spaces for faculty and this town was not catered towards students or just buying new shit just to buy it.
And my last point here is that some faculty also have children and we are supposed to be delighted by the child development center as an amenity. We couldn't afford it. But my point is not that it should be affordable (and I have a different thought on this and maybe we should make it this way to allow students to use it), but that the small things for faculty to mix and mingle cater towards those without kids. Why not family friendly events?
Maybe some of my dreams will come true. I do hope to stay here. I really want to keep my academic job. And this means getting tenure. And some people may say why are you not writing your research to get tenure. Well my friends, as someone trained in mental health, having an outlet for my thoughts is part of my self-care. And as I say again, doing more writing makes you better no matter what it is, right?
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
I thought last night about how negative my post may have sounded and the sheer amount of time I have spent being stressed about fitting in here. There are things I do like and as my partner put it, for some things, in his words, "you knew it would be like this here."
A colleague told me when need people like me (us) here and I have thought about that before. If we are all trained as social justice activists and only stay in or near places were people think like us, is this going to change the rest of our world? And I had thought after completing the MSW to look at jobs in the South for related reasons (or even in my reproductive justice work).
I talk about these things as there are reasons why I do like living here, even though things are not always easy. I grew up in that stable middle class midwestern family... the one in which your parents never move, own their house, and vacations were planned around my dad's work trips. I never moved until I left for college. My parents had the same careers, or at least worked for the same company, until they retried. We never went to Florida or the coasts for vacation or visits. We stayed close to the Midwest. But I also had a small family, though my maternal Russian and Polish side was large- but we did not have family get togethers with the extended family. I had a stable life, yet a sheltered life.
So, I never got to travel the world, or even the United States a kid. The South, as well as other places, seemed exotic. But yet, I have always had a desire to be in the South because of the historical significance of the place.And I'm here and it can be hard, but yet, I am here. I can see palm trees, giant cacti, and have tiny lizards in our yard. I can drive an hour or so to the ocean (which is pretty special to a girl from the landlocked part of this country). I can drive to historical sites, where history happened, that I only have been able to read about or watch in documentaries.
And there are good folks here.... I may not agree with all on their politics, but that happens elsewhere also.
I truly enjoy the weather... I like the warmth, the humidity. I like basking in the sunshine, just like the alligators.
I may never fit in completely here as I was not born and raised here. And I won't stop fighting for social justice. But yet I have to find myself here... not only how do I fit in, learn about things from the local, but also to create a larger picture with what I do know. And ultimately, I need to find peace with myself. There is always something to worry about, but I can't let that dictate my life and need to embrace it all.
I love my friends who I have met through my job. And yes, they have become my family. Maybe we will all find the southern granny here who will become part of our local family.
A colleague told me when need people like me (us) here and I have thought about that before. If we are all trained as social justice activists and only stay in or near places were people think like us, is this going to change the rest of our world? And I had thought after completing the MSW to look at jobs in the South for related reasons (or even in my reproductive justice work).
I talk about these things as there are reasons why I do like living here, even though things are not always easy. I grew up in that stable middle class midwestern family... the one in which your parents never move, own their house, and vacations were planned around my dad's work trips. I never moved until I left for college. My parents had the same careers, or at least worked for the same company, until they retried. We never went to Florida or the coasts for vacation or visits. We stayed close to the Midwest. But I also had a small family, though my maternal Russian and Polish side was large- but we did not have family get togethers with the extended family. I had a stable life, yet a sheltered life.
So, I never got to travel the world, or even the United States a kid. The South, as well as other places, seemed exotic. But yet, I have always had a desire to be in the South because of the historical significance of the place.And I'm here and it can be hard, but yet, I am here. I can see palm trees, giant cacti, and have tiny lizards in our yard. I can drive an hour or so to the ocean (which is pretty special to a girl from the landlocked part of this country). I can drive to historical sites, where history happened, that I only have been able to read about or watch in documentaries.
And there are good folks here.... I may not agree with all on their politics, but that happens elsewhere also.
I truly enjoy the weather... I like the warmth, the humidity. I like basking in the sunshine, just like the alligators.
I may never fit in completely here as I was not born and raised here. And I won't stop fighting for social justice. But yet I have to find myself here... not only how do I fit in, learn about things from the local, but also to create a larger picture with what I do know. And ultimately, I need to find peace with myself. There is always something to worry about, but I can't let that dictate my life and need to embrace it all.
I love my friends who I have met through my job. And yes, they have become my family. Maybe we will all find the southern granny here who will become part of our local family.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Looking From Above
AN OLD POST FROM TWO YEARS AGO I DID NOT PUBLISH UNTIL TODAY... SO, A BIT OF CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.
I have the privilege of working in an internship this semester within an academic setting. Despite many years of education in the social sciences, community organizing, and international volunteer work with women's rights, I have been called on my privilege. And it can be hard and it can hurt. But to move forward to a just society, this is needed.
Yet, there are times that I wonder if some of our ideas about social justice are just, well to theoretical, and make sense from a structural view. And ironically, my past education was in a social science that does see inequality as structural...which it is, but a right critique is that what about daily life? And now studying in a field where I assume from my studies that the structural and everyday life are important, I have been part of discussions where I question where these structural change arguments stem from.
I am not saying that structures should not change. And I think it's fair to say most doing social justice work see gender, class, race, and the so forth are related intertwined structures. And they are. But here's the thing I push myself, fellow social scientists, social justice seekers, and activists to think about. If we dismantle the structure, what happens? Will it all be good right away? And I hope you can see how this is already becoming a tough question.
Here's an example, I have always have had friends who are vegetarian and in the past decade have met more and more vegans. While I've had my time in the veggie camp, I won't go vegan. And that's another story. But it doesn't mean that I haven't thought about the meat industry. It's bad. My family has a personal history with it... and yes, it's always had issues, but my middle class self is also thankful to the jobs it provided my grandparents and grandparents. As a woman, I'm proud of the job my grandmother had in the past- one a women in this time period would not have been able to have. But I have regressed a bit.
I live in a Midwestern state- albeit in a urban area. And having read and been raised in this area of the country, one gets to know the history of the meat packing industry. And many of the workers are immigrants to this country. Immigration raids in this country have torn apart these towns and left immigrants scared. Is this is the best job for anyone? Probably not. Yet, there are personal accounts by those who work in the industry for and against it. What's wrong is the corporations that control everything.
But here's my point and something that leaves me frustrated. We shouldn't eat meat because it is tied to all the other oppressions in society. Well, I can see this argument to an extent, but here's my thing. If we all just stop eating meat and shut down the factories, where do the people who work in the jobs go? Is it fair for me as a white, middle class person to say your job is wrong? Is it fair for me to try to dismantle the system without thinking about what you will have to do? I don't think it is. Of course the industry is screwed up and labor practices are wrong. But I have huge issues when we work for social justice without talking to the people most affected by this industry... those who work in it. Those who feed their families through this wage. Everyone needs to be included in the conversation. It's easy as a White, English speaking, citizen , and who is middle class to say what's wrong and it should be different. And it's easy from my position as an educator and a student again to take this position. How easy is it to say this and research it from the outside without having this as our daily lives? Of course some people have documented different aspects of this. But if here's my moral to this... if we are social justice seekers and activists, let's think critically about all aspects of things. What can be done? Who wants it done? How does this affect not only society as a whole, but the daily lives of people, especially people who are not White, middle class, and the related privilege statuses. Do we try to do to much by trying to dismantle the system at once? How can we dismantle the system to make it better and while doing so pay attention to people's lives in the here and now?
I have the privilege of working in an internship this semester within an academic setting. Despite many years of education in the social sciences, community organizing, and international volunteer work with women's rights, I have been called on my privilege. And it can be hard and it can hurt. But to move forward to a just society, this is needed.
Yet, there are times that I wonder if some of our ideas about social justice are just, well to theoretical, and make sense from a structural view. And ironically, my past education was in a social science that does see inequality as structural...which it is, but a right critique is that what about daily life? And now studying in a field where I assume from my studies that the structural and everyday life are important, I have been part of discussions where I question where these structural change arguments stem from.
I am not saying that structures should not change. And I think it's fair to say most doing social justice work see gender, class, race, and the so forth are related intertwined structures. And they are. But here's the thing I push myself, fellow social scientists, social justice seekers, and activists to think about. If we dismantle the structure, what happens? Will it all be good right away? And I hope you can see how this is already becoming a tough question.
Here's an example, I have always have had friends who are vegetarian and in the past decade have met more and more vegans. While I've had my time in the veggie camp, I won't go vegan. And that's another story. But it doesn't mean that I haven't thought about the meat industry. It's bad. My family has a personal history with it... and yes, it's always had issues, but my middle class self is also thankful to the jobs it provided my grandparents and grandparents. As a woman, I'm proud of the job my grandmother had in the past- one a women in this time period would not have been able to have. But I have regressed a bit.
I live in a Midwestern state- albeit in a urban area. And having read and been raised in this area of the country, one gets to know the history of the meat packing industry. And many of the workers are immigrants to this country. Immigration raids in this country have torn apart these towns and left immigrants scared. Is this is the best job for anyone? Probably not. Yet, there are personal accounts by those who work in the industry for and against it. What's wrong is the corporations that control everything.
But here's my point and something that leaves me frustrated. We shouldn't eat meat because it is tied to all the other oppressions in society. Well, I can see this argument to an extent, but here's my thing. If we all just stop eating meat and shut down the factories, where do the people who work in the jobs go? Is it fair for me as a white, middle class person to say your job is wrong? Is it fair for me to try to dismantle the system without thinking about what you will have to do? I don't think it is. Of course the industry is screwed up and labor practices are wrong. But I have huge issues when we work for social justice without talking to the people most affected by this industry... those who work in it. Those who feed their families through this wage. Everyone needs to be included in the conversation. It's easy as a White, English speaking, citizen , and who is middle class to say what's wrong and it should be different. And it's easy from my position as an educator and a student again to take this position. How easy is it to say this and research it from the outside without having this as our daily lives? Of course some people have documented different aspects of this. But if here's my moral to this... if we are social justice seekers and activists, let's think critically about all aspects of things. What can be done? Who wants it done? How does this affect not only society as a whole, but the daily lives of people, especially people who are not White, middle class, and the related privilege statuses. Do we try to do to much by trying to dismantle the system at once? How can we dismantle the system to make it better and while doing so pay attention to people's lives in the here and now?
You're Not From Here
I grew up in fly-over land. The land of corn fields and a state capital most cannot pronounce. People don't think much about Iowa, though I would argue we are quite the state. Excellent education. The first presidential primaries in the nation. We legalized gay-marriage. I've also lived in Nebraska... another place we consider fly-over land. Corn, beef, and football. And then I moved to Minnesota. A great place for many reasons, but a state that is quite narcissistic at times. It may be darn cold and we pay our share of taxes, but we have great health care, great social services, public amenities for all to enjoy, and the DFL legacy of Humphrey and Wellstone. Yet, who knows these things about Minnesota except maybe people who study these issues and/or live there and Minnesota also has some work to do in terms of minority education and jobs rates.
Am I proud of where I from and where I have lived? Sure, but us from the fly-over states are not collectively known for espousing "Midwestern Pride" in this sense. And as much as we know the good things, we know the bad too (well, some of us). We are predominately White states. We lack public transportation. And so on...
I say this as I have been introduced to the concept of Southern Pride, which I don't quite grasp completely. And this may be a matter of how we all learn history beyond the places we were raised and lived. I cannot and will not ever endorse the confederate flag. To me it's symbolic of all the things I am against and first and foremost, this represents slavery to me. I use the flag example as people have told me that they display the confederate flag as part of Southern Pride, but yet do not mention the race and slavery issues embedded in this display. Sure, part of the civil war and current political debates (and the history of most politics in this country) do deal with state rights versus the federal government. But the civil war was about SLAVERY. And don't tell me that race is not an issue when Jim Crow laws existed and segregation and discrimination still exists. How can you be proud of this flag and not think about the race issues?
Okay, so this is an issue I struggle with here, especially as a social scientist. But this also relates to racist comments I overhear and get told. Granted, racism exists in the North, and it may be more covert, but for a Northerner the comments I hear with the whole Confederate flag thing take a toll. As a white person, people assume and tell me their racist comments. Depending on the situation, I respond in different ways. What I really want to say is do you know how this makes you sound? That you are a being a racist? But already being a liberal outsider in a conservative place, makes one approach situations with caution and learn how to do the social justice dance (attributed to the Reverend of the church we attend).
Yet, in talking to folks from the South, I understand that Southern Pride is also part of a defense mechanism in that stereotypes exist denoting people from the South as stupid, etc. And I can get that... people from fly over land are often stereotyped in a similar fashion (I've been asked if we had running water...yes, we do ). I think it is great that people resist stereotypes, but I can't endorse a symbol of pride that is symbolic of racial intolerance, slavery, and discrimination.
But that leads me to my last thought for now on this... I know I am an outsider here and I will write more on this as I am not just a Northerner, but a liberal one at that. An interaction with someone from the South in asking me where I was from and why I moved here, after they told me about their hobby of civil war re-enactments, said, in what I want to believe was a joking manner considering the context and place of this interaction, why don't you go back. Was it a joke? I don't really know. Even if it was, symbolically this still shows me a divide. And while I can walk away from this situation and move forward, the encounter stays with me as I try to find my place here, negotiate cultural norms, raise my children to be social justice minded, and not have to hide my identities rooted in social justice.
And this is why I write. To understand. To find comfort in a foreign place to me. I may not be living in a foreign country, but at times, it does feel like a different country. No, I'm not from here, but I do live here.
Am I proud of where I from and where I have lived? Sure, but us from the fly-over states are not collectively known for espousing "Midwestern Pride" in this sense. And as much as we know the good things, we know the bad too (well, some of us). We are predominately White states. We lack public transportation. And so on...
I say this as I have been introduced to the concept of Southern Pride, which I don't quite grasp completely. And this may be a matter of how we all learn history beyond the places we were raised and lived. I cannot and will not ever endorse the confederate flag. To me it's symbolic of all the things I am against and first and foremost, this represents slavery to me. I use the flag example as people have told me that they display the confederate flag as part of Southern Pride, but yet do not mention the race and slavery issues embedded in this display. Sure, part of the civil war and current political debates (and the history of most politics in this country) do deal with state rights versus the federal government. But the civil war was about SLAVERY. And don't tell me that race is not an issue when Jim Crow laws existed and segregation and discrimination still exists. How can you be proud of this flag and not think about the race issues?
Okay, so this is an issue I struggle with here, especially as a social scientist. But this also relates to racist comments I overhear and get told. Granted, racism exists in the North, and it may be more covert, but for a Northerner the comments I hear with the whole Confederate flag thing take a toll. As a white person, people assume and tell me their racist comments. Depending on the situation, I respond in different ways. What I really want to say is do you know how this makes you sound? That you are a being a racist? But already being a liberal outsider in a conservative place, makes one approach situations with caution and learn how to do the social justice dance (attributed to the Reverend of the church we attend).
Yet, in talking to folks from the South, I understand that Southern Pride is also part of a defense mechanism in that stereotypes exist denoting people from the South as stupid, etc. And I can get that... people from fly over land are often stereotyped in a similar fashion (I've been asked if we had running water...yes, we do ). I think it is great that people resist stereotypes, but I can't endorse a symbol of pride that is symbolic of racial intolerance, slavery, and discrimination.
But that leads me to my last thought for now on this... I know I am an outsider here and I will write more on this as I am not just a Northerner, but a liberal one at that. An interaction with someone from the South in asking me where I was from and why I moved here, after they told me about their hobby of civil war re-enactments, said, in what I want to believe was a joking manner considering the context and place of this interaction, why don't you go back. Was it a joke? I don't really know. Even if it was, symbolically this still shows me a divide. And while I can walk away from this situation and move forward, the encounter stays with me as I try to find my place here, negotiate cultural norms, raise my children to be social justice minded, and not have to hide my identities rooted in social justice.
And this is why I write. To understand. To find comfort in a foreign place to me. I may not be living in a foreign country, but at times, it does feel like a different country. No, I'm not from here, but I do live here.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
And time moves forward... and we move far away
I forgot I started this blog! And that is great as I don't have to start a new one, because oh my, there is so much to write about. Why am I writing again? Well, for a few reasons.
1) I'm out of practice. I need to spend time writing. To discuss ideas. To think.
2) I do this because I finally landed a tenure track position! And I need to publish. And to publish, you need to write and edit. And writing takes practice. And being in a MSW program didn't leave much room for writing for publication or writing beyond case notes and presentations.
3) I'm in culture shock. This Mid-Western woman has moved from the Midwest to the Deep South. And not just the Deep South, but from a metro area in the Midwest to a small town in the Deep South. And I'm very liberal and this place is not.
4) And I'm still that verbal person who thinks too much in her own head. All my imaginary followers here will think I am funny and sympathize with my experiences.
Adventures to follow soon.
1) I'm out of practice. I need to spend time writing. To discuss ideas. To think.
2) I do this because I finally landed a tenure track position! And I need to publish. And to publish, you need to write and edit. And writing takes practice. And being in a MSW program didn't leave much room for writing for publication or writing beyond case notes and presentations.
3) I'm in culture shock. This Mid-Western woman has moved from the Midwest to the Deep South. And not just the Deep South, but from a metro area in the Midwest to a small town in the Deep South. And I'm very liberal and this place is not.
4) And I'm still that verbal person who thinks too much in her own head. All my imaginary followers here will think I am funny and sympathize with my experiences.
Adventures to follow soon.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Writing Again
It's been months since I have blogged. I went through older posts, which included deleting some. Some of it's too personal for a public blog. Yes, I could make it private, but maybe someday someone will stumble upon my great thoughts here. This doesn't mean I will only write about things people will agree with. Shit, no one reads this beyond me for what I know.
Why write again? No, not a New Year's resolution. A mental health resolution and need. An outlet for the numerous thoughts I have in a day. An outlet for a very verbal person who has little time or close friends to talk. A place where I can say it.
So where are we? Back in school again. I'm now a "non-traditional" student. Meaning I'm old with kids. I am still teaching at the community college, which I love. My children are healthy and growing. We have a new puppy along with our old dog. Yes, the mundane details of life.
Where do I want to be? I want to be in a stable place. I want to be "home", which is not my hometown. I want to be near my friends who know me and I can laugh and just be there. I want to be near my children's cousins and grandparents to watch them laugh, play, and grow.
I want to feel better. I want to find that internal peace. I want all the suffering to end in my head, in the world, and everywhere. Again I am exposing a piece of my that's hard, but internal healing is needed. To heal others, we need to heal.
2012 will you be the year?
Why write again? No, not a New Year's resolution. A mental health resolution and need. An outlet for the numerous thoughts I have in a day. An outlet for a very verbal person who has little time or close friends to talk. A place where I can say it.
So where are we? Back in school again. I'm now a "non-traditional" student. Meaning I'm old with kids. I am still teaching at the community college, which I love. My children are healthy and growing. We have a new puppy along with our old dog. Yes, the mundane details of life.
Where do I want to be? I want to be in a stable place. I want to be "home", which is not my hometown. I want to be near my friends who know me and I can laugh and just be there. I want to be near my children's cousins and grandparents to watch them laugh, play, and grow.
I want to feel better. I want to find that internal peace. I want all the suffering to end in my head, in the world, and everywhere. Again I am exposing a piece of my that's hard, but internal healing is needed. To heal others, we need to heal.
2012 will you be the year?
Friday, July 1, 2011
Liking your body
I am 33 years old. I have had two children. My body isn't going to look like it did when I was 20. After having lost a large amount of weight due to a stressful job, I gained some back. I wonder why I haven't been able to shed it via the bike riding, walking, and other activities. But honestly, some of this is muscle. BUT it doesn't matter. I go to a water aerobics class and get comments that I am "tone" and can use the bigger weights. I have gigantic calf muscles and always have. I eat relatively healthy. Yes, I love to eat candy and sweets, but I'm not eating fast food every night. BUT it doesn't matter. It's my body and I like it. I have my "war" wounds: scars from surgery, stretch marks from pregnancy, etc. But I look in the mirror and say this is my body, I look good for 33 and two babies.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)